Five Ways to Support a New Mother

This post is inspired by World Breastfeeding Week, hosted annually by The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA) from August 1 - 7.  The WBW theme for this year focuses on peer support for breastfeeding women, especially in the community, among family, and from health care providers.  According to WABA, peer support is the best way to ensure that women who are having difficulties, or who have returned to work, continue to nurse their babies. 

I want to share five ways anyone can support a new mother, and although these tips are especially helpful for breastfeeding mothers, they are also helpful to women who are bottle feeding (pumping or formula).  

  

Because breastfeeding can be difficult to maintain after a woman returns to the workplace, I also include specific information on how coworkers can assist their lactating colleagues on the job.  Several women have told me how lack of time to pump at work led them to end breastfeeding sooner than they otherwise would have.  This situation creates a spiral of less nursing because missed pumping sessions reduce supply, which leads to more use of formula, which leads to less nursing, etc.  

Our efforts to support lactating women are important in all areas of our lives: in the family, at home, in our neighborhoods, at the workplace, in public, and at worship.  I hope you are able to put these simple suggestions to good use supporting a new mother and her baby.

Five Simple Ways to Help a New Mother

1. Bring her a meal.  This is especially helpful during those early days at home when baby is very hungry and mother needs to heal from the birth.  A lactating mother needs a hearty healthy meal and plenty of snacks to keep her milk flowing, her energy up, and to promote healing.  If she has other children, she will benefit from the rest instead of preparing a meal for them.  While many women are fortunate that a family member can help out during this time, some mothers do not have any help, and most family members return to their own homes after a week or two.  

If you are supporting a lactating coworker, You can offer to bring her some takeout for lunch, or to pick up a dinner for her to take home to her family.  This is especially helpful when she first returns to work and her whole family is adjusting to their new schedule.

You can even organize a crew of volunteers to bring meals to a family with a new baby by contacting the new mother’s friends, family, neighbors, and coworkers.  Care Calendars makes this easy; all you have to do is set up a schedule and then send an e-mail to those who might want to help.  They sign up and the information is sent to the new mother and the calendar coordinator.  You could even arrange this before the baby is born!

2.  Offer to watch the baby or her older children.  New mothers need their rest, and even though everyone will tell her to sleep when the baby is sleeping, she may not be able to, especially if she has other children.  Keeping the baby or other children occupied for just an hour can let the new mom take a much needed rest without interruption.

You can help a coworker by watching her desk or phone and assuring anyone who tries to find her while she is pumping that she will return soon.  Also, before she returns from maternity leave, you can ask others to help you clean the refrigerator in the break room so the pumped milk can be stored in a sanitary place (you know how yucky a workplace fridge can get sometimes).

3.  Run an errand or help with a house chore.  We all know how difficult it can be to get to the store with a newborn, especially if that baby does not like the car seat.  Offer to pick up items while you are running your own errands, or ask if she needs something to help with breastfeeding, her post-partum bleeding, or her personal hygiene.  Same for a coworker; running errands after work might mean the baby will have to wait to nurse, which is not helpful to either the mother or child if they have been separated all day.

Laundry can pile up with a newborn around, so if you are visiting the new family, offer to help place something in the wash or fold things that are already dry.  Maybe the floor could use a sweep or the sink a wipe down. 

4.  Listen.  Sometimes, mothers need to share what is happening to them, or ask questions about how they are feeling.  She may want to gush about the baby, talk about how her life has changed, or simply have a conversation with an adult (instead of a baby or children) about something entirely different.  Indulge her; she will remember your kindness later.

Your coworker may have questions about readjusting to work life with a baby, how to handle a situation with her baby’s caregiver, or a work project that was completed during her maternity leave.  Returning to work while caring for a young baby can be distracting, to say the least; your offer to listen or chat can help tremendously.

5.  Pray.  This is an easy one, especially if you are already in the habit of praying for those who are healing or going through a major change in their lives.  There is much to pray for: healing, health, rest, learning to breastfeed, smooth nights, energy to complete daily tasks, patience, and so much more.

What are your ideas for supporting a new mother?  I am fortunate to have benefitted from the kindness of others in all of these ways, especially after the birth of my second child.  In fact, the help of friends was crucial to my breastfeeding success the second time.  You can read my stories about how I handled breastfeeding difficulties here and here.

Linking with: Breastfeeding Support & Tips, Catholic Bloggers Link up Blitz, The Better Mom, Motivational Monday

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My Guest Blog Post on HER KIND

Earlier this week, a guest blog post of mine appeared at HER KIND, the blog of the organization VIDA: Women in Literary Arts.  This is my very first guest blog post, so I am excited to share this news with you.  

Wondering what VIDA and HER KIND are about?  From HK: “As the blog of VIDA: Women in Literary Arts, HER KIND serves as a forum to create lively conversation about issues that are often dismissed or overlooked by the mainstream media. We wish to honor the experiences of women writers and for HER KIND to act as an agent for positive social change, encouraging women to define their own terms regarding the importance and value of women’s voices.”

As a writer myself, I see the need to encourage society to value women’s writing and the variety of  women’s experiences, so when I received the call for submissions in my inbox last March, I just had to jump on board.  I wrote my post in response to the prompt “Freedom.”  At the time, I was thinking about how difficult it can be for women, particularly mothers of young children, to find time to write (I was feeling it intensely).  This elusive time is affected not just by the demands of family, but also by the social pressures placed on women, especially women who are mothers.  

By the way, this was before the recent media frenzy over women’s achievement that you may have heard or read about regarding women’s ability “to have it all.”  In any case, my article does not directly contribute to that conversation, although it may be peripherally relevant from a different perspective.  I willingly chose motherhood as my full time occupation, supplementing that with a paid part-time teaching job.  In addition, I hoped that this arrangement would provide me with time for my passion: writing poetry.  While that may be my version of having it all, most other women have their own ideas that are probably as varied as the women themselves.  The mainstream media conversation does not even begin to address the complexity of the “having it all” discussion, in my opinion.

On that note, here is a teaser from the published post: “I am not what you expect from a feminist writer.  For the past eight years, I have devoted most of my time to mothering rather than the working and writing life I built as a single person.  I do teach Women’s Studies, but part-time.  I have spent very little time writing, even though writing is one of the most fulfilling ways to spend my personal time…”

I hope you will go read the full article, and if you are so inclined, join the discussion by leaving a comment below or at HER KIND.

L.L. at Seedlings in Stone hosts the weekly On, In, and Around Monday Link up, “an invitation to write from where you are… [with] a sense of place.”  How about an abstract place…

 

My Breastfeeding Story, Part Two

The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA), whose mission is “to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding worldwide,” holds World Breastfeeding Week every year in August.  This year they are celebrating the 20^th World Breastfeeding Week starting today (August 1^st).  

WABA is working on a number of projects, including a campaign to spread awareness about the environmental consequences of formula production and use: “Breastfeeding is a valuable natural resource that is under threat from formula companies.”  Other initiatives include educating about the health risks of formula use for both mother and child (there are twenty one risks on their list), training disaster aid workers in breastfeeding support, and development of workshops and textbooks for medical students about infant feeding and nutrition.

Original artwork by Chaz Maviyane-Davies, courtesy of WABA

I chose to highlight the image above as a reminder that those of us who are committed to greener living should include breastfeeding as part of that commitment.  Also, breastfeeding exclusively for the first six months of life, and continuing to breastfeed long after other food is introduced provides natural and optimal nutrition for babies, and is an important element in Natural Family Planning, the subject of my last post.  You can read WABA’s list of environmental concerns regarding formula here (in English y español).  This list is included on the back of printed copies of the poster image above.

As I highlighted in last year’s WBW post, a crucial link in breastfeeding awareness is for women to talk to others about their breastfeeding experiences.  Last year, I shared my story about breastfeeding my first child, an experience that was frustrating and difficult, partially because I was afraid to ask for help and to talk to other women about my problems.  To continue the discussion and hopefully encourage other women to breastfeed, this year I will share my breastfeeding story about my second child.

Before my second child was born, I renewed my determination to breastfeed, and I decided there was no other option because I would not have time to pump (like with my first baby) with a four year old and a newborn to care for.  I educated myself about my previous problems, I talked to my friends who had breastfed their babies, I looked up lactation consultants who did home visits, I explained to my family that I wanted to avoid bottles so the baby and I could learn what to do, and I visited a La Leche League meeting when I was pregnant so I would feel comfortable going and asking for help after the baby was born.

The second time around, I knew my baby would not starve while we learned to breastfeed, so I asked everyone to back off and let us learn instead of pressuring me to give her a bottle.  Since my first birth, I had also changed doctors, and therefore delivered at a different hospital.  The nurses there were much more supportive of my efforts to breastfeed, and the lactation consultants visited more often.  I hired a consultant for a home visit right away and things were going pretty well.  The baby wanted to nurse often, and I had plenty of milk, so she did not take any bottles.  

But, like the first time, I was using a nipple shield to substitute for my flat nipples because the baby had too much trouble latching on without it.  Once my supply was well established, I stopped using the nipple shield and that is when breastfeeding became painful.  My baby had to learn how to nurse without the shield, and in the meantime she was fussy and I was hurting and frustrated.  I e-mailed with the LLL leader a few times, and I attended meetings of two different LLL groups to get advice and help.  I talked to my friends and sought advice from websites.  I was exhausted, hardly left the house except to go to a LLL meeting, and cried a lot, but my baby was nursing, and she was growing, a fat happy little bundle with a mouth that wanted to suckle constantly, including cluster feedings in the evenings.

After two months, we finally got it right!  My pain went away and I was still nursing her exclusively.  While that may seem like a long time to keep trying to get breastfeeding right, the effort was worth every minute.  My baby was growing well, developing well, healthy, and best of all, I did not have to spend my time between feedings cleaning bottles or pump parts like with my first child.  While there is plenty more to this story, I’ll save that for another time.

Please note that my difficulties were not unusual, but my story is atypical.  Most women who are determined to breastfeed can do so with less difficulty; however effort is often necessary, especially at the beginning.  New mothers need to know that breastfeeding is not an automatic activity; there is a learning curve, but that is time well spent and worthwhile.  That is why it is so important for women to talk about their breastfeeding experiences.

Now it’s your turn.  Share your breastfeeding story, your efforts to promote breastfeeding, or your thoughts on societal attitudes toward breastfeeding.  I look forward to our conversation.

In 2013 I am linking with: Breastfeeding Support & Tips, Motivational Monday, Better Mom Monday, Welcome Home, Healthy2Day Wednesday

In 2012 I linked with: Catholic Bloggers Network, My Favorite Things, True Stories, Tiny Tip Tuesday, Pay It Forward, Your Green Resource, Tea with Saint Anne

World Breastfeeding Week and a Giveaway

The World Alliance for Breastfeeding Action (WABA), whose mission is “to protect, promote, and support breastfeeding,” holds World Breastfeeding Week every year in August.  This year’s theme is “Talk to me! Breastfeeding - a 3D Experience,” and refers to new ways of communicating globally, to “spread breastfeeding information beyond our immediate time and place to activate important dialogue.”  In other words, they ask advocates to encourage dialogue beyond our own communities, with others in addition to pregnant and lactating women, and across generations, cultures, and genders.  A blog is a perfect forum for this type of discussion!

In order to encourage you to contribute to the conversation, I will host a raffle for a signed copy of my chapbook Familia.  [FYI: this raffle took place in 2011.]  You will receive one entry in the raffle if you leave a comment on this post, follow this blog using the blue “Join this site” button on the left (current followers are automatically entered), or follow by e-mail using the subscription form on the top right.  If you have been thinking about following this blog, subscribing via e-mail or leaving a comment, now is the time!  I am aware that some of you follow or subscribe via Google reader, bloglovin’ or other reader services; I appreciate your readership, but since I can’t view subscriber lists for these services, I can’t put you in the raffle.  So, if you’d like to enter, please contribute to the conversation.

You can learn more about Familia (and my other publications) by clicking on the My Publications tab above.  If you already have a signed copy of my chapbook, you can always give another as a gift if you happen to win this raffle.  I must thank my friend Sylvia for the raffle idea and disclose that she is already a follower, so she is automatically entered in the raffle.  

In my post Natural Mom TV, I briefly mentioned my breastfeeding story, and my friend Karen encouraged me to tell more.  Writing about my difficulties may help other women understand how to overcome breastfeeding problems, so I think it’s a good way to start a conversation during World Breastfeeding Week.  By the way, the Texas Department of State Health Services is celebrating World Breastfeeding Month with the theme “Every Ounce Counts”, so feel free to join this conversation through August 31; I’ll close the raffle that day.

My difficulties with breastfeeding were multiple, some physical, and some due to societal pressures and attitudes.  I have two physical issues, both of which made it difficult for my babies to latch on, but which are possible to work around.  The problem is, since my mother, other relatives, and close friends did not breastfeed, I had no one to talk to about this.  Also, my family, and even the night-shift nurse at the hospital, due to prevailing cultural attitudes, felt that it was more important for my first baby to eat something, than it was for she and I to spend time learning how to breastfeed.

I was using a nipple shield to substitute for my flat nipples, but I sometimes let her try to latch on directly to my breast.  Because she was also drinking formula from a bottle, she learned that a bottle would give her food much faster than my body would, so she didn’t put much effort into learning to nurse.  I tried for two months, while using a supplemental nurser with formula, and I also pumped my milk for her to drink from a bottle.

Another problem we had was my fear of asking for help.  I did meet with lactation consultants at the hospital, I talked to them on the phone, and I hired one for a home visit, but we needed more help.  I knew about La Leche League, an organization that “help[s] mothers worldwide to breastfeed through mother-to-mother support, encouragement, information, and education,” but I didn’t attend their local meeting, partly because I was ashamed that we couldn’t get it right, and partly because I didn’t know how much talking to other women could help.  I desperately wanted to breastfeed, so I was devastated and frustrated that we couldn’t seem to work it out.  I cried about this every day.

After two months, my baby had learned to drink from the tube of the supplemental nurser better than from my breast.  I gave up nursing her and pumped my milk, but didn’t have enough and continued to supplement with formula.  After nine months, my supply ran out.  Plus, my daughter was very active by that age, and I could no longer take the time to pump.

I did successfully nurse my second child, after similar difficulties, but I’ll write about that another time.  My story highlights the need for women to talk to other women about breastfeeding in order to learn, to help, and to encourage each other.  Once a woman has decided to breastfeed, the support of her family, friends, and community can help her succeed, especially if she encounters difficulties.  In a culture that sees bottle feeding as the norm, breastfeeding is a counter-cultural act.  The support of others is essential when women who want to breastfeed face pressure to bottle feed, whether due to difficulties, societal attitudes about nursing in public, or insufficient pumping breaks at work.

So, now it’s time for your part of the conversation.  In the comments, I encourage you to briefly tell your breastfeeding story, to discuss how you have supported or helped lactating women, or to share your thoughts on societal attitudes toward infant feeding.  I can’t wait to read your comments, and to see who wins the raffle!

In 2013 I am linking with:  Breastfeeding Support & Tips